I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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