Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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