Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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