Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
