Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize