my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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