You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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