I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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