dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
