I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
