dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
