I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
