So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
