i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
