You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
