Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
