need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
