Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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