Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
