We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
