I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
