did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sext me about skeletons
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
