i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she peed on how many people?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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