I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
