I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
