why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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