Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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