I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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