two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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