So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
