There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
