Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
