Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize