im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
