I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
