hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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