We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
