I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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