worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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