you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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