A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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