I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Floor bacon is actually really good
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
