when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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