1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
