What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
