I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
