The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
