my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
