i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
