He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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