You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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