Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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