My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My vagina is officially offended.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
