i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All the doctor said was why
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
