im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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