you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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