apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
