I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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