I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
