And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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