I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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