i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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