i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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