Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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