is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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