??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
