i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
