please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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