Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
