once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
