I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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