I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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