exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
