the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A bitchslap is in order.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
