I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I lost the right to judge tonight
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
