I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I supernannyed him into submission
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
