Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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